moved by: Andrew McMahon
An exercise in memory, and a tribute to my favorite artist through two decades.
I write this on the plane to Red Rocks to see all three of his projects: Andrew McMahon and the Wilderness, Jack’s Mannequin and Something Corporate. If you know, you know…that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and worth the trip.
To begin, here’s a timeline of my love for this artist. It starts with arguably one of the most emo songs ever written (in the best way), and continues on to a meet & greet with Andrew and my 6 month old.
Circa is the key word here.
2004:
I’m in the backseat of a car driven by this guy I have a crush on, a year older, who, alas - is in love with my best friend. We’re both back there singing along to your standard teenager in the early 2000’s hip hop, probably some crude “My Neck, My Back” in there. All of a sudden: the riff to “Punk Rock Princess” enters the chat. I’ve started to get IN to this kind of millennial punk: Simple Plan, the most emo of the Avril early catalogue. But this song hits me. It creates me, it stays with me for a lifetime - it makes me want to be: a punk rock princess. So I probably go home and download it on Limewire. At some point, probably also illegally on the internet, I also run into “I Woke Up in a Car.” Changed. My life has been soundtracked.
Cue: Konstantine. At another friend’s house, and she says, Oh, you gotta hear THIS Something Corporate song. It’s mad long, so buckle up. We surround the computer for the full 8 minutes and 45 seconds of pure, youthful, emo heartbreak. I’m stunned. Why did Konstantine hit me so hard? I don’t know. It was the time, it was the place, surrounded by friends, living day to day in a box full of CDs and teenage emotion. Later on, in physics class, because I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about, I would write all the words of the song into the left margin of my notebook. I knew them all and I probably still do. I saw myself somewhere in there: the blonde hair, the 11:11 (more to come on that,) the “nights when were drinking,” the feelings of heartbreak and wondering what goes through the person’s mind that you are, so innocently and stupidly, in love with when you’re 17.
Also (circa) 2024: my sister’s best friend leaves her trapper keeper of CD’s at our house. They’ve been listening to emo longer than me, starting with Good Charlotte and then going a little bit harder into Senses Fail territory. I comb through it and find “North.” Ah! I love Something Corporate! Borrowing (stealing) this. It became mind in more ways than one, forever, and my god, when I listen to the lyrics now, what a weirrd teenager I was. It’s SO poetic, and a lot of it doesn’t make sense to me even now, honestly. North is dark with catastrophic crescendos of choruses and sentences like “I can still be ruthless if you let me” that for whatever reason, tattooed my poetic, quirky little heart. We have the blue vinyl record now, and it lives up on the wall, showcased as one of our “G.O.A.T” albums.
This is where I lose track of time, and things start to fade into each other. There are Warped Tours involved, but never seeing Soco live. I remember they toured once with Yellowcard when I was in high school, but I didn’t go, because I wasn’t tuned into the whole live concert thing yet. But I heard about it and I lamented not being able to be there, especially because that was Soco’s last tour. For a long time.
2005-2009: College
I lose my shit - can it be true? The guy from Something Corporate has a side project? “We Were Made for Each Other” into “You Can Breathe” is the is the fresh 2-for-1 I needed, because I’ve already downloaded every single Something Corporate song that you could possibly find, even the shitty quality unreleased tracks, and listened to them 70 times. I become Jack’s Mannequin.
“Everything in Transit” sweeps me off my feet easily, as I’m already completely immersed in the pop punk and emo world by now. Yellowcard, Starting Line, The Used, Paramore…they all live in my head rent free as I sing, stare at Facebook, and run on the treadmill to the same 12 songs over, and over again. My laptop is sometimes used for schoolwork, but always used for LimeWire…I truly lived in fear of getting arrested. There were that many downloads happening.
Freshman year I lived on a floor with all girls, many of which (mostly Canadien hockey players), also love Jack’s Mannequin. It’s a Staple on Ledges third floor (along with the Rent soundtrack).
It’s around this time that Andrew McMahon gets diagnosed with Leukemia. By now, I know who the frontman of my two favorite bands is, which is rare because I really have no idea, nor did I care, about the people in the bands I was listening to. I still couldn’t tell you most of their names. But I knew everything about him, and the guys in SoCo, and listened to all their side projects when they called it quits.
I’m shattered by his journey, that I’m somehow able to watch. Maybe through his website…MySpace…Facebook…definitely his documentary, “Dear Jack.” I bawl my eyes out at that movie and triumphantly celebrate when he announces that he’s in remission.
Glass Passenger is released - the soundtrack to his cancer journey. I eat it up, I cry with him, I learn, I keep loving everything he creates. I always come back to Everything in Transit, a love letter to southern California. I start to develop a deep, visceral urge to move out there.
2009-2014: So I do - the Los Angeles years
My dad flew me out to LA with 7 massive bags, and he left me there in an apartment in WeHo, where I would live in my friend’s sister’s room while she modeled in Mexico. There was a nice guy named Derek who had the other bedroom, and a wonderful soul named Sofia who basically lived behind a curtain in the dining room. There’s so much more to tell, but that’s another post. Or ten.
I bought the ticket to see Andrew McMahon at ther Troubadour before I flew out. I’d never been to a show before, but I wasn’t missing this. As the night approached, I was excited and scared and nervous. My roommates were welcoming, but we weren’t friends yet. I was alone in this huge, intimidating, magical city. I was so proud of myself as I walked down Sweetzer and took a right on Santa Monica to get to the Troubadour.
The experience was moving and validating beyond belief. There wasn’t another show or moment like that, and I tear up writing this. I did it. I fucking did it. I moved to LA, alone, and Andrew was there, with his piano, this this small, legendary venue, to welcome me.
I was alone until I met Tommy, a platonic angel that was sent to bullshit with me about our Soco/Jack’s obsession. He invited me to 4th Street recording studios in Santa Monica, where Everything in Transit was recorded, amongst other iconic albums and bands. There was talk of Andrew coming by that night, and he never did, but I still felt like the coolest person in the world, just hanging out there amidst musicians, equipment, dirty couches and concert posters.
It was through Tommy that I met Andrew for the first time, after the SoCo show in Anaheim. We were the only two fans allowed to creep backstage after the show. I was beyond nervous. I’ve met some really famous artists and some of my favorite bands by now, but at this point, I was a shaking little fan girl. I have a photo of us - I have jet black hair and am wearing the SoCo tee that I bought at the show and changed into. CRINGE! At 22, I should have known that wasn’t cool. I can’t remember what I said to him, but I’m positive that wasn’t cool either. He was with his dog and his wife. It’s wild to think about how nervous I was, and how famous he seemed. And now, sometimes he DMs me back on IG. Just a guy from Orange County who plays music and has happened to profoundly impact the lives of millions of teenagers.
I’m just now having another flashback of another Hollywood show when he walked outside and I showed him my 11:11 tattoo very quickley, as he dodged screaming fans.
Many people that I became friends in LA loved Jack’s Mannequin, and we bonded over this. Most of my relationships there started as a conversation about a shared love for a particular band, genre, or music in general. I was down to hit up a concert alone, but going to three of the Dear Jack Benefit concerts with a group of friends who loved the band - those were nights and shared energy I will never forget. There’s nothing like catching a friend’s eye as you sing along to the songs that made you who you are - that brought you both to this quirky, hopeful, palm-tree’d town.
God, there were so many Something Corporate, Jack’s and solo Andrew shows during this time. It’s insane to think back on and recount. Incredible opening or headlining bands, festivals, small clubs on the Sunset Strip. Introducing friends and my boyfriend to my favorite band. I’ll never forget Matt standing behind and holding me as we swayed to Jack’s at the Viper Room. That was a pivotal moment. I was in love, and he wanted to do the things I loved with me. Not every experience in LA was perfect, but that moment was.
I have racked my brain, searched decades of photos, and logged into multiple Ticketmaster accounts in an attempt to put together the full list of Andrew McMahon concerts I’ve attended, in a guestimated order.
Jack’s Mannequin at the Tweeter Center with OAR
Jack’s Mannequin & GooGoo Dolls at Sacred Heart University with the hockey girls
Jack’s Mannequin at my college, Quinnipiac University
Andrew McMahon solo at the Troubadour (I’m solo as well)
Something Corporate reunion (first time I’d FINALLY see them) at Bamboozle
Something Corporate in Anaheim (met Andrew)
Something Corporate at Club Nokia, downtown LA
Dear Jack Benefit at El Rey
Dear Jack Benefit year 2 at El Rey with Bobby, Pat, Larson, my close LA crew
Dear Jack Benefit year 3 at El Rey
Jack’s Mannequin at Coachella
Jack’s Mannequin at Glass House in Pomona
Jack’s Mannequin at Viper Room (dragged Matt, now husband)
Jack’s Mannequin House of Blues Boston with my sister
Jack’s Mannequin at a free 92.9 Radio Show in Copley Square
Andrew McMahon acoustic show at Peabody Essex Museum in Salem, MA (small 92.5 the River radio show)
Something Corporate at When We Were Young fest in Vegas with Olivia
